How to get murdered in India

  • Are you looking for ways to have your own Wikipedia page?
  • Are you looking for ways to make a positive impact on society, even if it means you have to die doing it?
  • Are you looking for ways to have a lot of people know about you, have candle-light vigils with hundreds of people showing their support for you?

Or maybe you are in the next category of people:

  • Are you looking to kill yourself, without society dubbing you a nutcase?
  • Are you looking to kill yourself, without society dubbing you a nutcase, and without society dubbing your parents complete failures?
  • Are you looking to kill yourself, so that your family/loved ones can collect the insurance money and pay off the bank collection agents?
If you answered “Yes” to any of the above questions, this post is for you. You who want to die, but also want to reap the benefits of an untimely death. I have taken the liberty of putting together all the options for you.
    1. Refuse a drink at a party to a rich, spoilt brat.
      Bonus points if your murderer happens to be the son of a powerful politician.
    2. Or, even easier, have a relationship with the sister of a rich, spoilt son of a powerful politician.
    3. Fight corruption.
      Although you might need to be a passout from IIT or IIM to be able to get that Wikipedia page.
    4. Refuse to pay for biryani.
    5. Walk in on priests and nuns in a “compromising position”.
    6. Be a girl, and
    7. Be born in the wrong family.
    8. Prevent a 40 year old mother-of-two from being molested.
    9. Prevent your wife from being molested.
    10. Prevent your friends from being molested.
You are welcome.
Update: Apparently, I missed this. No. 11 – Become a toll-booth operator. (hat tip to Ankit Nevatia)