Samudra Neelam Bhuyan

Posts Tagged ‘India’

How to get murdered in India

  • Are you looking for ways to have your own Wikipedia page?
  • Are you looking for ways to make a positive impact on society, even if it means you have to die doing it?
  • Are you looking for ways to have a lot of people know about you, have candle-light vigils with hundreds of people showing their support for you?

Or maybe you are in the next category of people:

  • Are you looking to kill yourself, without society dubbing you a nutcase?
  • Are you looking to kill yourself, without society dubbing you a nutcase, and without society dubbing your parents complete failures?
  • Are you looking to kill yourself, so that your family/loved ones can collect the insurance money and pay off the bank collection agents?
If you answered “Yes” to any of the above questions, this post is for you. You who want to die, but also want to reap the benefits of an untimely death. I have taken the liberty of putting together all the options for you.
    1. Refuse a drink at a party to a rich, spoilt brat.
      Bonus points if your murderer happens to be the son of a powerful politician.
    2. Or, even easier, have a relationship with the sister of a rich, spoilt son of a powerful politician.
    3. Fight corruption.
      Although you might need to be a passout from IIT or IIM to be able to get that Wikipedia page.
    4. Refuse to pay for biryani.
    5. Walk in on priests and nuns in a “compromising position”.
    6. Be a girl, and
    7. Be born in the wrong family.
    8. Prevent a 40 year old mother-of-two from being molested.
    9. Prevent your wife from being molested.
    10. Prevent your friends from being molested.
You are welcome.
Update: Apparently, I missed this. No. 11 – Become a toll-booth operator. (hat tip to Ankit Nevatia)

Na’vi and Naxals : Does Pandora (in Avatar) parallel India?

Avatar (2009)


I finally joined the legions of fans that James Cameron has picked up. I do not have any new words to describe “Avatar”, so I will repeat whatever others have said about it – marvellous, path breaking, jaw dropping, epic, yada yada.

But I could not help but draw parallels between what was happenning in the movie to the Na’vi, to what is happenning to the Naxals.


Would you exchange 2 cappuccinos for peace?

Priyanka Borpujari, friend and freelance journalist, has been working closely with the issue of violence in Chhattisgarh. She is headed to Dantewada district in the Bastar region of Chhattisgarh on December 20, 2009. A place which has become a living hell — tribals from 644 villages have been thrown out, some villages have been burnt over 10 times, women raped, murders rampant daily, and where the perpetrators of this might be the state police, through the alibi of Salwa Judum. Why the hell is she going there?


The life of a soldier

How much (or how little) do we know about the people fighting for our safety? Do you know what kind of life they lead? Their dreams? Their aspirations? Their personal battles? What are their lives like? What do they dream about? Do they find girlfriends easily? Do they like chocolate? What do their non-military friends and family think about? Why don’t they just follow in everyone else’s footsteps and do an MBA and go for a 9 to 6 job? Do they invest in mutual funds? Who does their taxes? Do they like fast bikes? Do their wives support them? What do they teach their kids?

Pritish Nandy laments the misuse of the word “Hero”, and the dearth of real heroes. But I think we are surrounded by them.

Its not just the soldiers. Even the neighbourhood policemen. The honest ones and the dishonest ones. The rich ones (ha!) and the poor ones. The fat ones and the fit ones. (more…)

How many Indias?

3000 kms of riding through India changes many things in you. Some changes were expected. Many were not.

The most surprising change that happened, was in my opinion of the Indian govt. Surprised?

I got to see many many faces of India on my trip, which existed previously only in my imagination. And with this “actualization” of the many Indias, came a new found respect for the government. Specifically, the Indian Government.

Why, you ask?


The Luckiest Day of My Life

So I was cruising the absolutely fantastic ghats coming down from Munnar, Kerala. The scenery was so fantastic, it could make you stop and stare. The weather so pleasant because of the rains, you wished to stay there forever. The roads were so brilliant, you could die and your biking heaven would be right there.

And suddenly, I almost did, and it almost was.

Fingers moving? Check.

Toes moving? Check.

Arms moving? Check.

Legs moving? Check.

Able to open eyes? Check.

Anything wet anywhere? No.

Woohoo!! I am alive!! I think.


3000 kms. 8 days. 4 states. 2 guys. 2 bikes. 1 helluva journey.

So I could not make it to Kanyakumari from Pune on this trip. Not everyone quits their jobs just because their company did not give them leave you know? :P

But that does not take anything away from the fact that this trip is going to be one helluva experience. A 3000+ kilometre ride is no joke. Nor is it gonna be child’s play.


What is marriage?

Marriage (noun)

  1. The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
  2. The state of being married; wedlock.
  3. A common-law marriage.

Love marriages around the world are simple:

Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy.They get married.

In India, there are a few more steps:

Boy loves Girl. Girl loves Boy.
Girl’s family has to love boy. Boy’s family has to love girl.
Girl’s Family has to love Boy’s Family. Boy’s family has to love girl’s family.
Girl and Boy still love each other (hopefully). They get married.

- Chetan Bhagat. (except for the part in the brackets. That’s me.)

It seems like I cannot escape it anymore. Half the world is getting married (the rest already are). People are talking about it everywhere I go. People are inviting me to marriages everywhere I go. People are asking me the inevitable question everywhere I go. I of course feel my contemporaries’ kids will be in college by the time I am anywhere near producing a few of my own.


You might be in India…

… if the educated elite think they are better than China, simply because we have a democracy, and they don’t.

I respect Gurcharan Das. No, I really do! But it pains me to see educated, obviously intelligent people deluding themselves based on fallacious arguments! In an article in the Times Of India, “Why the future belongs to India”, he agrees with his mother’s understanding of the argument, and why most Indians would not trade their beloved “democracy” for development the “China way”.

Her argument against the reasoning that the “China way” would result in a whole generation of poor people coming into the middle class around 20 years sooner? “We have waited 3,000 years for this moment. Why don’t we wait another twenty and do it the Indian way?” I kid you not.

I am sure the poor who are starving and dying of hunger, everyday, agree with you, Mr. Das. The consolation for the destitute being the fact that every five years, they will be able to sell their votes for a few days of food and drink. In the meantime of course, they are supposed to entertain themselves by procreating, dooming themselves and their offspring by way of their own fecundity.